Love Chaos Read online

  In the restroom, I was washing my hands when the door swung open, and Johanna swept in. She stood beside me, watching my every move in the mirror. A few freckles were sprinkled across on her perky nose.

  “May I ask you something?”

  “Sure,” I answered with a sinking feeling.

  “Is there something going on between you and Martin?” She lowered her gaze to the floor as if she had dropped something.

  “Well... Uh…” I tore a paper towel from the dispenser. “We’re just classmates, nothing more. I guess Martin must have gotten the wrong idea or something.”

  She looked up. “It doesn’t look like that to me. I’ve known Martin for a while, you know?”

  “Really, you have nothing to worry about,” I reassured her and wanted to pat her shoulder, because I detected a hint of despair in her eyes—all because of Martin. Wow.

  She dodged my hand and continued staring.

  “You really can have him.” I couldn’t believe I was having this conversation about Martin.

  “I don’t get what he sees in you,” she finally said, and despite the insult, I secretly couldn’t have agreed more. Now Martin just needed to understand how much better he was off with Johanna.

  “I better get going.” I squeezed past her and escaped through the door.

  As I reached the table, I grabbed my red cardigan from the back of the chair and slipped it on. “Sorry, but I really have to go. Thanks, this was fun.”

  Martin seemed disappointed. “Already? I thought we were going back to my place.”

  What? I was so glad I couldn’t read minds. I seriously needed to get out of here.

  * * *

  When I got back to my apartment, I felt like I had aged twenty years and would have given anything for a hot bath. Unfortunately, we only had a shower. I would definitely put some distance between me and Martin, as Toby—my wise and knowledgeable roommate—had advised. How could I have been so wrong about Martin? In my naiveté, I’d actually pitied him as a poor nerd who couldn’t get any dates.

  As if the evening hadn’t been bad enough, the door to Ben’s room opened. I spun around, hastily pretending to hang my jacket on the hook. Instead of disappearing into one of the rooms, Ben stopped behind me. After a moment of hesitation, I turned around and found him staring.

  “Why did you go out with that guy?”

  Excuse me? I felt like I was being summoned to an audience with the Pope. “What business is it of yours?” Right now, I had no desire to explain myself to him.

  “I just want to know if you went out with him because of me.”

  “Because of you?” Sometimes male logic was beyond me. What in the world did this disastrous date have to do with him? “If you only went on this date because I always tease you about being uptight and stuff.” He seemed contrite. “I just want to make sure you didn’t do it to prove anything to yourself.”

  “Well, I didn’t.” Ben could be so complicated sometimes.

  “Then why did you go out with him?”

  “I don’t know. He asked me.” I could finally make it clear that I hadn’t asked Martin out. “I wanted to give him a chance. Not everything is always about looks.”

  “It’s not,” he agreed. “That’s what you think of me, isn’t it? That I’m a superficial jerk who thinks only of himself and takes advantage of all women.” His eyes darkened to tourmalines, black as night. He stood so close to me that his body warmth enveloped me like an embrace. I had to lean against the wall to stop myself from touching his chest, which rose and fell slightly as he breathed. As tense as he was, I didn’t have the heart to tell him that this was exactly what I thought of him.

  “Your life is none of my business,” I declared instead. “You’re your own person, and you can do whatever you like. Same as me.” Why did I get the feeling he didn’t like my answer?

  “He’s not your type,” he said bluntly.

  “You don’t even know him.” I tried to breathe evenly, because his irresistible scent wafted up my nose and made me all shaky.

  “He will never be able to satisfy you.”

  In one fell swoop, I was back to earth and standing in our hallway.

  “Do you ever think of anything else?” I shook my head. I was on the verge of seeing him in a different light, and now I had to admit, I was wrong yet again. My instincts had been way off.

  “I don’t just mean that kind of satisfaction,” Ben whispered. He gently touched my temple with two fingers. “But here too.” His fingertips lingered on my skin, sending a tingling sensation down my back. His warm breath touched my cheek. I audibly gasped, at a loss of words. “And here,” he whispered as his hand wandered down to my chest. He gently tapped my chest with a finger, right where my heart was beating like crazy. My stomach began to flutter, and my body craved his touch. I stood before him with trembling breath.

  “That is why he will never be able to satisfy you,” he repeated, unusually hoarse. With that, he turned away abruptly and disappeared into his room, while I remained standing rigidly in the same place.

  Why did he tell me all these things? And why had he appeared so unexpectedly, only to leave again just as suddenly? What was wrong with him? I just couldn’t figure him out.

  24

  I had managed to avoid Martin for a whole week. However, in order to do that, I’d had to skip the two classes we attended together, which didn’t count as a long-term solution. Luckily, Rhashmi took the same classes, so I could borrow her notes. I was a pathetic coward. Toby had said something about staying out of his way for a while. That was a flexible concept, so I decided to stop hiding from Martin starting Monday. Ten days seemed like plenty of time to get over me. Just like yesterday, I waited for Rhashmi at the back entrance to snap pictures of her notes. When the door swung open, Rhashmi came out. She was wearing a super short denim miniskirt, which made her petite frame look amazing. I hurried over to her and waited while she rummaged through her bag.

  “Don’t you think your behavior’s getting to be a bit much?” she chided as she handed over her notebook. “All this hide-and-seek just because of Martin. The guy took you out to the cafeteria, for God’s sake. He should be ashamed and hiding, not you.”

  “He’s hurt,” I defended my date while I snapped pictures of Rhashmi’s notes.

  “He’s a moron.”

  “Rhashmi,” I rebuked her in shock.

  “What?” She flipped her hair back. “He came over today after class complaining that you were just using him to get his Financial Times magazines.”

  My jaw dropped. “He actually said that? What a moron.”

  “See?”

  “But I guess that means he’s still mad.”

  “Why did you go out with him in the first place?” Rhashmi eyed me reproachfully. “I’d never go out with someone I wasn’t serious about. What were you thinking?”

  I saved myself the trouble of snidely pointing out to her that a certain Rhashmi Reinhardt had played a huge part in that. Granted, I’d agreed to go out with Martin in a moment of weakness, but she was the one who had set the ball rolling. On the other hand, I didn’t know when I would be able to attend another lecture, so I didn’t want to mess with her. I waved her off. “It’s the weekend. I’ve had a terrible week. I’m going clubbing in Nuremberg with Caro tonight, and we’re gonna party till the sun comes up.”

  Rhashmi stuffed her pad back in her bag. “You do that, have fun. He’ll calm down sooner or later, and if not, I’ll have a few words with him.” Waving, she walked away, leaving me alone in my misery.

  Maybe it would be best to stay at Caro’s until Sunday night. She was still in the middle of her relationship crisis with Martha. Although Martha wanted to go out with us tonight, she had called for a relationship break for Saturday and Sunday, whatever that meant.

  * * *

  Exhausted, I returned to the apartment. I wanted to take a quick nap, since Caro had suggested going to Mach 1 for dancing tonight, and we didn’t need to
bother showing up there before midnight. Luckily, Martha knew the bouncers, so we also wouldn’t have to stand in line. Martha knew everyone who was anyone in this town. She had over two thousand Facebook friends and just as many followers on Instagram. I had just seventy-six, all of them locals, since I had broken off contact with my school friends. There was no way I was going to chance anyone from my past finding me.

  I had just snuggled into bed and plugged in my earphones when the doorbell rang. I ignored the obnoxious ringing, because I’d heard noises coming from both Toby’s and Ben’s rooms. Let them get the door. After the sixth ring, one of them finally answered it. The next thing I heard was a squawky voice that I knew all too well.

  “Is Luca home?”

  “No idea.” That was Toby. He knocked on my door. “Luca, are you in there?”

  I pulled the blanket over my head. What now? Martin was here and wanted to talk to me. Couldn’t the guy read any signals at all?

  “Luca?” The knocking grew louder and more insistent, then the door opened. Why? If a person didn’t react when you called their name, it usually happened for two reasons: either the person wasn’t there, or didn’t want to be disturbed.

  “Luca, is that you under the blanket?”

  Great! Could he have been any louder? Traitor. I threw the sheets off and sat up.

  “Thanks a lot,” I hissed, catching a confused look from Toby.

  Toby jerked his thumb over his shoulder. “Oh, you didn’t want to...”

  “Never mind.” Sighing, I got out of bed. Thanks to my tactless roommate, I had no other choice. He shrugged apologetically, as if mouthing sorry did any good now. I decided to play dumb. Martin was waiting for me in the hallway, both hands buried deep in his pockets. He was bouncing with his knees.

  “Hi, Martin, what’s up?”

  “Like you need to ask.” He pointed at me accusingly. “You stole my Financial Times magazines.”

  I stared. “Are you out of your mind? You forced them on me. I didn’t even ask for them.”

  “Oh, yeah?” His left eyelid twitched.

  “You know what? Just take your magazines, I’m not going to read them anyway.”

  Toby stood behind me “You mean the dusty pile in the corner?”

  When I nodded, he disappeared into my room to get the magazines. To make matters worse, Ben’s door opened. He stared at Martin in bewilderment as he was bounced on the balls of his feet.

  Then he stopped in his tracks to say: “You led me on, you bitch.”

  “Excuse me?” I was speechless and felt blindsided.

  “Sooner or later, you’ll have to come back to class. Wait until I tell everyone what a teasing slut you are,” he sneered, and I felt a tightness in my throat.

  My hand weakly tugged at the neckline of my shirt so I could breathe more freely, as a fear I hadn’t felt in a long time shook my whole body. Was everything starting over again? Hadn’t I learned anything? Ben grabbed Martin by his collar and slammed him hard against the wall, before Toby soared past me into position next to Ben. They both towered over Martin by more than a full head. Ben didn’t put much pressure on his neck, just held him in place and leaned in.

  “Are you threatening our friend Luca?” he asked, while Toby braced one arm against the wall. His voice now took on a sharp edge. “We don’t like that.”

  “She... She’s a real bitch,” Martin insisted.

  “You won’t be saying that again,” Ben said with an edge to his voice that scared even me. “Did I hear you right? She’s too scared to go to class because of you, asshole?”

  “I never said she couldn’t come to class,” Martin defended himself like a petulant child.

  “Stop your whining,” Toby snapped. “You weren’t crying a minute ago when you gave Luca a hard time.”

  Martin looked from one to the other, trembling.

  “Let’s get one thing clear, if you cause Luca problems on campus and we find out about it, we’ll pay you a little visit, got it?” Ben tightened his fingers slightly around Martin’s throat, who gasped. “I won’t, I swear I won’t. I promise.”

  Lightning fast, Ben changed his grip. One hand released Martin’s neck, while the other moved to the back of his neck. Toby pressed the stack of magazines against his chest and opened the door as Ben pushed my fellow student out the door by the neck.

  “Ouch, you’re hurting me,” Martin whined.

  “You won’t really get hurt unless you forget our warning. Now fuck off.”

  The door slammed shut with a bang, and I could breathe again.

  My two roommates high-fived each other, then came towards me, grinning.

  “How about a submarine?” Ben nodded to me.

  “Okay, but just one.” I smiled at them. For the first time, I could see the benefits of having male roommates. “Thanks, guys.”

  Toby put an arm around my shoulder as we strolled to the kitchen. Ben set the glasses on the table, and Toby poured. We sat down.

  “Gosh, Luca, we can’t leave you alone for a minute,” Toby said. “That guy is a total psycho.”

  “Stop, just stop. I’d rather forget the whole thing, if you don’t mind. File it under lessons learned.”

  We toasted each other and let our submarines sink, then chugged the orangey mixture.

  “How about a little drinking contest?” Ben asked me with a wink. I grinned back and shook my head while the warmth of the alcohol spread through my abdomen.

  “Never again.” All of a sudden, everything felt different. I was comfortable with them, and for the very first time, I was glad the confused secretary had assigned me to this apartment suite. My boys were just fine.

  “For Luca’s own safety, we should insist that she bring all potential lovers home for us to approve before they’re allowed to take her out,” Toby suggested.

  “That way, we can prevent the worst,” agreed Ben. “Once they pass our test, then they can take Luca out.”

  “And only if she’s home by midnight.” Toby added, raising a finger.

  “And no sleepovers,” Ben concluded. “Everyone sleeps in their own beds,” he added while Toby nodded affirmatively.

  I snorted.

  “I think the guys should also have to bring gifts when they pick Luca up, not just for her but for all of us roommates,” Toby went on.

  Ben walked over to the fridge and took out my fruit yogurt. “Do you plan on eating this?” He looked at me questioningly.

  “No, take it,” I replied generously, while Toby continued to think up further methods of torture for my future dates.

  “It’s probably for the best to give them a little scare right up front. Drop a few hints about our last stay in the nuthouse,” Toby continued.

  Ben came back with two bottles of beer and the fruit yogurt. “The proseccos are all gone,” he told me.

  “I know.” I reached for the soda bottle. When I looked up, I noticed two faces staring at me and waved them off. “No vodka. Forget it, I have plans tonight.”

  “What are you up to?” Toby asked. “Another date?”

  “Hell no.” I shook my head vehemently. “And if I did, there’s no way I would tell you two about my plans, after all the fun things you just dreamed up for my future dates. I pity your poor unborn daughters already. Somehow, I can’t shake the feeling that the two of you are a little crazy, and that the joke’s on me.”

  That made both of them crack up.

  “No, really, what are you up to tonight?” Toby insisted.

  “I’m taking the train to Caro’s later, and we’re going clubbing.”

  Ben shoved a spoonful of yogurt in his mouth and swallowed. “We’re also going to Nuremberg tonight. If you want, we can give you a lift so you won’t have to take the train all alone.”

  “That would be great.” Happily, I accepted his offer because I honestly didn’t like taking the train late at night by myself. “When are you leaving?

  “Around seven-thirty. We’re going to a party. And before
that, we’re meeting Erdie and Ellen for dinner.”

  “Oh.” I shook my head. “That’s too early for me. We’re not going out until after ten. I’ll take the train.”

  Ben scraped the rest out of the yogurt cup. It was unbelievable how quickly he could scarf down food.

  “Well, come for a bite, and we’ll drop you off at Caro’s afterwards.”

  “Yeah,” Toby agreed. “We don’t plan to go to the party before ten anyway.”

  “You could ask Caro if she wants to join us for dinner,” Ben suggested.

  I thought about it. The timing sounded good. I could get to Caro’s place more easily, and having dinner before was always good.

  “Okay, I’ll come along. Just let me jump in the shower.” I looked at the red-and-white wall clock. “It’s six o’clock already, I have to hurry. The bathroom is now mine for a while.”

  The two sighed.

  “Just do it,” Toby said stoically and clinked bottles with Ben.

  * * *

  After a slightly lengthy shower, I hastily threw together an outfit. Dressing up was usually not my thing, but Caro would kill me if I showed up for clubbing in my everyday clothes. More importantly, I was going to dinner with the guys—some very good-looking guys, and didn’t feel like being a wallflower tonight. So, I searched in my closet for a suitable outfit, pushing my hangers apart, before I realized that I only owned comfortable clothes. Crap. What was I supposed to do now? I rummaged through my pile of laundry one more time and located my black skin-tight jeans. Although my bust was annoyingly large, my legs were nice and slim. Hopefully the pants would distract a little from my cleavage. I finally decided on a thin black wrap-around shirt that elongated my upper body optically, with a white lacey top peeking out from underneath.

  I checked myself out from all angles in the wardrobe mirror. Well, still no Ellen, but I looked okay. My phone buzzed. A message from Caro that she was too broke to go out for dinner, but suggested I should just drop by her place afterwards. I told her I’d be there around ten and grabbed my few pieces of makeup. Most days, I didn’t bother and was careful not to overdo it, but tonight, I wanted to look good.