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  “No idea.” Rhashmi hid her face behind her large café au lait cup. Apparently, she wasn’t interested in discussing this topic any further with Martin. And neither was I. Every time I had even a slightly longer conversation with him, I always felt a strong urge to take a nap right afterwards. Watching him stir his cup reminded me of those bobblehead dachshunds in the back window of an old lady’s car. His blond hair was carefully parted on the side, and a few whitish zits dotted his cheeks. Suddenly, I heard a cheerful voice.

  “Hey, Luca, is this seat taken?” It was Toby, arm slung around an absolutely stunning brunette. Her hair was pulled back into a tight braid. It was a look few people could’ve pulled off, but she definitely rocked it. I quickly turned back to face Toby, who was beaming at me. Unlike Ben, he was very approachable and had that nice smile. A guy you wanted to be friends with.

  “Oh, hi. Sure.” I pointed to the two empty seats. “This is Rhashmi and Martin.”

  “I’m Ellen.” Toby’s companion introduced herself. Her voice was just as perfect as the rest of her, with a smoky twang that gave me goosebumps. They sat down.

  “Are you doing okay now?” Toby pointed his chin at me.

  “Yeah, I’m fine.” I replied hastily and swallowed. Hopefully, he wasn’t going to share the story of last night. I shot him a desperate look.

  “What happened?” Rhashmi asked curiously, sipping her coffee. Martin was still blowing on his tea.

  “Oh, she moved in yesterday. That’s all. I just wanted to see that she’s settling in okay.” Toby winked at me, and I silently thanked him for sparing me further embarrassment.

  “You guys live together?” Rhashmi gestured at the two of us. “I thought you’d moved into a dorm.”

  “Long story,” I brushed her off. I had no desire to explain my current living arrangements. I turned to Ellen and asked, “Are you studying here too?”

  “No, I’m a model, actually.”

  Of course, she was. Why did I even ask? Her dark brown hair shone under the neon lights like polished china. How did she do that? None of the conditioners I used ever had that effect.

  “She just got back from Paris,” Toby said with a loving glance.

  “Where did you two meet?” Rhashmi asked. She could be really nosy sometimes, but for that matter, I wanted to know too. Where did super-beautiful people meet each other? Probably not at the supermarket checkout like Ringo and me.

  “I model part-time for the same agency as Ellen. We met there.”

  Naturally, where else? Why would I even ask? He was a part-time model—it seemed obvious now that I thought about it.

  “And Ben works there, too?” I concluded, because it only seemed logical.

  “No?” Toby shook his head, surprised.

  “Why would you think that?” Ellen asked. She seemed truly astonished that I would suggest that, and I felt trapped.

  “No idea. I thought maybe he—I don’t know—might make copies for the agency or something. Dunno.” I broke into a sweat.

  “You mean because Ben’s such a womanizer,” Ellen commented, eyeing me coolly.

  “Ben who?” Rhashmi butted in.

  “My other roommate,” I muttered.

  “I’ll get us something to drink.” Toby said. “Water?” he asked Ellen, who nodded.

  Guiltily, I looked down at the gluten-free chocolate muffin I’d brought from home. I suddenly wasn’t hungry anymore.

  “What do you mean, he’s a womanizer?” I asked cautiously.

  Ellen crossed her legs and sat sideways on her chair, as if striking a pose for a magazine cover. From the corner of my eye, I saw the boys at the next table put their heads together and casually point our way. It certainly wasn’t because of my strikingly good looks.

  “Let’s just say Ben isn’t relationship material. He’s more into casual hook-ups.”

  “Oh,” was all I could say.

  She smiled. “You’ll see. Women come and go with him. You’ll never see the same one twice.”

  “He doesn’t really seem the type,” I lied, and to my dismay, I felt myself blushing.

  “He can have anybody he wants. Night after night. And so far, he hasn’t been rejected even once.”

  Ha, so my first impression was right!

  “What does he do with all the women?” Martin piped up.

  Ellen shot him a look that clearly indicated he was a moron. “He screws them,” she said placidly. Shocked, Martin put down his tea cup.

  “But when does he find time to study?”

  Jeez, what was with this guy?

  “In between.”

  It was obvious that Ellen didn’t want to keep talking to Martin, which I could totally relate to. But what did she mean, in between? For God’s sake, how many notches did he have on his bedpost?

  Toby came back with a muscular, olive-skinned guy in tow. His spiky hair reminded me of Sonic the Hedgehog.

  “Hey, Ellen,” the guy said. He walked up behind her and started to massage her shoulders.

  “Cut it out, Erdie,” she hissed, whipping around.

  With a laugh, he threw up his hands. “Oh, relax. Maybe if you ate something, you wouldn’t be so hangry.” Uninvited, he set down his tray and grabbed a chair from the table next to ours. His plate was piled high with cake.

  “This is Luca, our new roommate,” Toby introduced me and sat down again.

  Erdie turned to me with a grin. “Oh, Ben already told me about last night…”

  “Uh, this is Martin and Rhashmi,” I cut him off hastily. I didn’t want him to spread the story. Ben. What a snitch. With amusement, I saw Erdie’s eyes brighten as he stared at Rashmi. She reached her hand out to him gracefully like a Bollywood star while absently rubbing her neck with the other.

  “Hi,” she said breathlessly.

  Since when was Rhashmi into Popeye types? Had I missed something?

  “Hey, princess.”

  Oh no, he was just as much a sweet talker, as Ben was—what a pair! Rhashmi seemed flattered nevertheless.

  Next to me, Martin got up and looked at me.

  “Gotta go. Luca, did you still want to read my old Financial Times issues?”

  I wasn’t interested in the slightest, but pretended to be, in order not to seem rude.

  “I can lend you some copies, if you’d like. They’re always fun to read.”

  “Um, sure. Thanks.” What else was I supposed to say?

  “Awesome. Sayonara!” He beamed and waved to the group without noticing the stares.

  Sayonara? Who even talked like that? We watched him skip away.

  “He likes you,” Rhashmi noted with a grin.

  “Does not,” I protested, crumbling up my muffin.

  “Yes, he does. He’s had a crush on you since freshman year.”

  Why did I always attract guys like him? The world was so unfair. Ellen’s pitying stare made it even worse.

  “It’s obvious that guy likes you,” Erdie added. “Like, so obvious.”

  “You’re all crazy. Just leave me alone.” I folded my arms.

  “Hey, Erdie, how’s your brother’s store coming along?” Toby brought an end to my misery. He was the best.

  Erdie waved him off. “Oh, he’s still got a ton of work to do until he can open.”

  I watched Toby rub Ellen’s neck the entire time. He obviously couldn’t keep his hands off of her.

  “Do you come here often in the afternoons?” Erdie asked Rhashmi, his eyes glittering. Looked like someone else was in love.

  “Tuesdays and Thursdays,” she shot back without missing a beat. She ran her fingers through her jet-black hair. “Why?”

  “Because that’s when I’ll be here too. From now on.”

  Oh my God, he was laying it on thick, but Rhashmi didn’t seem to mind one bit. Erdie checked his phone and said, “Crap, I’m late. I promised Phyllis I’d take her out for ice cream. She’s going to kill me.” He jumped up and waved. “Ciao.”

  Rhashmi, the corners of h
er mouth now drooping, followed him with her eyes as he disappeared through the door. This Erdie guy seemed to be playing the field too. Hardly surprising if he was friends with Ben.

  10

  Later that evening, I prepared myself for our first official apartment meeting—the one the two lucky guys didn’t know about yet. I was counting on the element of surprise to help me in my ambush on them, which would hopefully force them to go along with all the improvements I had planned without any discussion. Armed with three copies of my agenda, I knocked on Ben’s door. After his muffled “Yeah.” I opened it a crack. Ben was on his bed and—I couldn’t believe my eyes—was reading a book. A vintage Point Blank movie poster hung over his bed, where I’d have actually expected pictures of naked girls to be instead. He was certainly an expert in the art of subterfuge.

  “Do you have a minute?” I asked, peering at the cover. The Shadow Prowler. I didn’t get fantasy at all—yet another thing we didn’t have in common. His eyes, that peculiar, hypnotic blue, sparkled in amusement.

  “Why? You need someone to cuddle with?” He propped himself up on one elbow and patted the bed next to him. “Climb right in!”

  I growled at him like a watchdog. “I’d just like to discuss a few things with you and Toby. So, would you mind coming to the kitchen?” I saw a bag of chips next to him; the exact same brand I’d just bought. Maybe we did have some things in common after all.

  He seemed taken aback but got up without protest, which was my cue to leave the room. My knock on Toby’s door was answered a lot friendlier. Toby was sitting at his desk, working on math homework, and Ellen was sitting cross-legged on his bed with her laptop on her knees.

  “Could you come to the kitchen for a minute? I’d like to discuss some things with you and Ben.”

  He smiled. “Sure.” Turning to Ellen, he asked, “Wanna join us?”

  Without looking up, she declined. “No, I need to email my agent. There’s been a mix-up with Milan.”

  In the kitchen, I pointed to the list I’d hung next to the refrigerator.

  “You’ve probably seen this and are wondering what it’s about,” I started mildly. After all, I didn’t want to scare them right away.

  “Oh, was that there earlier?” Ben asked with a nod to the neon red sheet of paper before going to the refrigerator and taking out a yogurt. My yogurt! One that I’d personally marked with my name in thick black marker.

  I grabbed his wrist. “Hey! What do you think you’re doing with that yogurt?”

  “Gonna eat it?”

  “But it’s mine. Are you blind?” I pointed at the lid. “It has my name on it.”

  “I’d wondered why you’d scribbled on all the food.”

  He’d wondered? I opened the fridge on a hunch and couldn’t believe what I saw. All the beer bottles were back in place, and the rest of the food was haphazardly thrown in between them—

  except for the yogurt. Of the five I’d just bought, the rest of them were gone. I gritted my teeth so loudly, I was sure even Ben could hear it. What a jerk!

  I turned to face him.

  “You.” My voice took on a menacing tone. “You ate them all!”

  “Those were only for you? All of them?” Ben seemed bewildered. I’d expected remorse, at least, or maybe the shadow of an apologetic smile; but there was nothing. He was already rummaging in the drawer for a spoon. “We always share our food around here,” he defended himself.

  “You don’t even have any food here!” I yelled. “All you have is crap!”

  “We have beer.”

  “Like I said. Crap!”

  I snatched the yogurt from his hand. “This is mine, and you don’t get to eat it, you greedy, conniving thief!”

  “Alright, alright.” He tossed the spoon back into the drawer.

  Then, I opened the top cupboard, and gazed into a cavern as big as a black hole.

  “You stole my chips, too? Do I have to lock up all my food to keep it safe from your piehole?” I hissed.

  “I thought you were on a diet,” he replied. “Why would you be eating chips? They’ve got at least ten thousand calories.”

  “I!” I yelled, took a deep breath, and then went on more quietly. “I am not on a diet. I have a food intolerance, but explaining the difference to you is obviously a waste of time. Your mental intolerance seems a lot worse.”

  Ben waved me off, completely unimpressed by my outburst.

  “I’ll buy you a new bag tomorrow, okay? Don’t worry.” He sat down at the table and studied the list I’d made. A thin smile played on his lips, showcasing his dimples. For the millionth time, I had to ask myself why women liked this guy. Though the answer seemed clear enough. None of them had to live with him—they all left the next morning without ever having to see him again.

  “And now that that’s out of the way,” Toby interjected, who had silently followed our debate thus far. “Was there anything else?”

  My cue. I slapped the plan on the wall with my open palm. “As a matter of fact, there is. This is the new cleaning schedule. It says here who will do what every week. And when you’re done, you just check off the list. Easy as that.”

  “Easy as that,” Ben repeated and got to his feet. He slowly sauntered over to the list and studied it.

  “What’s BR mean”?

  I’d used abbreviations, for practical purposes.

  “Bathroom.”

  “I see. And BR+G&D?”

  “Bathroom plus grout and drain. As you can see, it’s only required every other week.”

  He burst out laughing. “You can’t be serious.”

  Excuse me?

  Without warning, he ripped my list off the wall. I couldn’t believe my eyes.

  “I think we’ll just leave everything the way it is. Whoever has the time does the cleaning. It’s worked fine for us till now.” He gestured broadly at the room

  Worked fine?

  “Hey, Luca,” Toby now chimed in. “I think you’re being a little uptight about this whole cleaning business.”

  I was being uptight?

  “We can vote on it if you like,” Ben suggested. “Be like all democratic about it.”

  “Yeah, right.” I could already see what would happen. It’d be me cleaning the bathroom every week all on my own.

  “Also, I’d like for you guys to sit down. You know, like, when you pee.”

  Their heads shot up, and they gaped at me, stock-still.

  “You don’t think that’s over the top?” Toby inquired carefully, and Ben added, “How will you know? You gonna stand right there and watch us?”

  “The seat is absolutely filthy. No woman would ever sit on it.”

  “I thought women squatted,” Ben retorted with a deadpan expression and then insisted on giving a demonstration.

  “In public bathrooms,” I hissed. “Not at home.”

  Toby patted his friend’s shoulder. “Come on, we can do that much.” They grinned at each other, probably thinking they were off the hook that easily. They obviously hadn’t read the list all the way through. Reluctantly, Ben nodded. “Alright.” He made it sound like he was making a huge sacrifice.

  “Will that be all?” he asked on his way out.

  “Nope!” I said sharply. “Come back here, old pal.”

  With a heavy sigh, he turned around.

  “Now what?”

  “I’ve got another list.”

  “Ugh,” Toby said in a grief-stricken voice, picking up his copy.

  “You know what?” Ben said, annoyed. “This is a waste of time. Everything has worked out just fine before now, without lists and schedules.”

  “Yeah, I can see that.” I held up the yogurt as proof. “I was thinking about a garbage list,” I said with a hint of nervousness, as my initial confidence was quickly shrinking like a deflating balloon. “We can take turns taking out the garbage, and whoever takes out the trash marks their name on the list.” These arrangements had worked just fine when I lived with Ringo. Why wer
e the guys so dead against it? This was a matter of fairness.

  As anticipated, both guys shook their heads. Ellen came sauntering into the kitchen, crunching into a crispy red apple.

  “Hey, Luca,” she said derisively. “You’re wasting your time with the garbage list. Ben will never agree—he’s into single-use products.” She sat down in Toby’s lap.

  Ben frowned at that, and a deep line appeared between his eyebrows. Yes! It looked like somebody else didn’t get along with Ben, not that that was surprising. After all, he wasn’t exactly a popular guy. Why couldn’t she live here instead of him?

  “I’m leaving,” Ben said abruptly, disappearing into the hallway. The front door slammed shut.

  Totally baffled, I turned to face the other two, who were now snuggling close together and sharing her apple.

  “That was out of line,” Toby reprimanded Ellen softly. “Ben’s a good guy.”

  “Someone needed to take him down a peg or two,” Ellen retorted, unimpressed, and took another bite of her apple.

  I, on the other hand, felt guilty that the meeting had gone so badly that one of my roommates had even stormed out of the apartment.

  “Where’s he going?” I asked.

  Ellen looked up, her eyes narrowing. “Out hunting.”

  11

  Ellen and I were standing in the hallway, chatting. Toby had escaped to the living room to watch some random soccer game on the oversized flat screen TV that was mounted there on the wall. I’d quickly vacuumed the room earlier that afternoon and gotten rid of the empty pizza boxes; to my surprise, they actually owned a vacuum cleaner.

  “And tomorrow you’re off to Milan?”

  “Yeah. My agent managed to get me another flight, only now I have to get up at five.” She sighed and seemed exhausted.

  “Didn’t you just get back from Paris today?”

  Ellen nodded. “And next week I’m off to Berlin and London.”

  “Wow, it must be so exciting to be a model.” I couldn’t help but envy her life. I mean, who could say, today New York, tomorrow Paris, the whole world the day after tomorrow? I’m sure she even knew a few stars or famous athletes. Suddenly, I felt even shorter next to her than I already was, and not only physically-speaking. I had grown up in a village near Munich, and the only places I’d ever been to were Mallorca (once) and Austria, but this girl had the whole world in the palm of her hand.